Sunday, August 3, 2008

Speakeasy Sundays, Excuse or Gift from God?

I really, really, really, wanted to go to the gym today after I finished up with the poetry workshop.

But my eyeliner looked so awesome, and I usually suck at applying make-up and I didn’t want to have to wash it off just so that I could go and get all sweaty, because it’s Sunday and I always go to the speakeasy on Sundays because I’m convinced that whisky, and diet coke, and every lime tree to ever bare fruit are definitive signs that God still loves me.

I did however call Dr.McKay’s (yes, I realize I love Stargate, my doctor’s name is McKay, and he is brilliant most of the time, I shit you not, though much skinnier and more mormon-like than his TV counterpart) office and have stress-kittens over him taking away the Stratterra that I felt was doing so well for me and giving me a horrible medication that turns me into such an inert passive-aggressive bitch zombie that I don’t even want to be around me which is why I can’t even force myself to take it any longer. I probably yelled at the answering machine for twenty minutes, even after it stopped recording. He’ll call me back tomorrow.

I remember being on the Straterra at the end of my first and last year teaching. I was 15 pounds lighter than I am now and felt motivated to go to the gym every-day after a predictably awful work day and I didn’t hate it, I also never ate junk food because Strattera gives me heart burn that no amount of Mylanta can clear up. What happened?

He put me on the Vyvanse, all of my friends and family began to avoid me, and I started having entire plates of cheese fries with extra ranch four times a week because I DESERVE EVERYTHING GODDAMNIT.

I stopped taking the Vyvanse a week ago, because it was damaging my usually untouchable ego.

This situation –will- be rectified. If I have to threaten doctor McKay with a hypodermic full of lard (just to make him feel my pain) I am getting my damned Strattera back, and with the approach of classes, which I have never missed so much despite being a career student, I will have the order, the schedule, and the sanity I need to actually ACCOMPLISH my lofty goals.

Even in the searing unbearable heat of South Carolina.


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